If you've been living under a rock the past few weeks, you may have missed all the excitement at this year's 2024 Summer Olympics. Getting right down to it, Paraguay's Luana Alonso grabbed headlines at the Olympics when she abruptly retired after failing to qualify for the finals of her race. Who is Luana Alonso? I had no idea, and I'm sure most of the world didn't either until most recently. Not only does it turn out she's an absolute bombshell to what seems like all straight men, but she's one of the few people who got sent home for creating an 'inappropriate atmosphere'. Now, when it comes down to it, my mind instantly thinks she's getting freaky in the sheets with a bunch of athletes that look like they've been hand chiselled from Zeus himself, but that's not the case. This poor woman got so fed up with cardboard beds, lack of good meals, and the intense heat, she decided she'd like to sneak off to DISNEY LAND! Can you blame her?

Now, as someone with a handful of morals you probably should stick around to help cheer on your peers and teammates at the Olympic Games, but... the degenerate side of me also feels like if you want to go spend a few days at Disneyland, go spend a few damn days at Disneyland. Honestly to me, it just seems like Paraguay was pissed off she was grabbing more attention than the actual country, but rightfully so. Not only was she wearing "skimpy outfits" and admitting she'd rather swim for team USA, but she also had soccer superstar Neymar sliding into her DM's ... not the only thing he's trying to slide into, I imagine.

If you haven't had a good look, and I'm sure you want to, you can creep her Instagram here

Imagine training your whole life to become an Olympic athlete, competing at the highest level, just to announce your retirement because of a bunch of silly drama you created? Nonetheless, she is officially back at SMU where she studies, and safe in sound in the USA. If the "Hawk Tuah" girl has taught us anything, it's that this probably won't be the last time we hear about Luana Alonso. In all honesty, this whole situation has been a bit of a circus and has been the perfect ending to such a bizarre Summer Olympics.

Kids will be kids, right? This poor woman isn't even old enough to drink yet, what did the committee expect? While other athletes are sneaking into each other's rooms, this poor girl just wanted to crush a couple juice boxes and see her imaginary friends, so who's really the bad person here? At the end of the day, Luana Alonso got a free trip to Paris, got to compete in the Olympics, visit Disneyland, and announce retirement all in one week, and that's more than I'll ever accomplish in that time frame. I can't wait to see what the Winter Olympics have in store for us next!